SMOKE TESTS OUT! What that means, and where to report issues
1 day ago
– Wed, Aug 26, 2026 at 12:06:24 PM
Good afternoon, gang!
I told you we'd have stuff set early this week. "Ken, it's Wednesday, we're halfway done." Yeah, tough guy? I work food. I work Tuesday thru Saturday. I just started this slog. It's early for me. Can it.
We're cleared for surveys, so, smoke tests are out.
That means 5% of each backer tier is getting surveys early. Is that you? It might be - it's very likely that your survey went out just before you're getting this update.
Go open that up, and fill your survey out as normal. Pick what pins and stickers you'd like, confirm what addons you're getting, and toss your address in - you can always change these later.
You're not getting early access for free, though. Smoke test backers need to report:
- Fully missing items
- Missing options (i.e. can't find the German Shepherd pin or sticker)
- Major typos or grammar errors that affect how you understand instructions
- Incorrect shipping charges
- Any other questions or concerns
If you see something that looks sketchy, email me at [email protected]. I'll be tossing $10 campaign credit to people who find survey-screwing problems.
Smoke test backers will do their thing until
September 1st. Then, the rest of you readers will get your surveys.
There's a few of you guys who had card flops on that first charge. Is your credit card on file up-to-date? Go give it a look - make sure I can get your dogs to you! You'll be able to fix this either now, or when you get your survey.
We've got a whole new batch of dates for everybody to keep an eye on. Give this a read, I promise there's a picture in this update after this.
- Preorders are now open on August 26th.
- Surveys will go out to all backers on September 1st.
- Surveys will stay open until September 20th.
- I want to get numbers to my factory in Mid September. I will probably call it and do some guesswork September 15th-20th.
- Backers with failed charges will have until October 30th to fix this. We're not gonna be as nice as we were on CHALLENGE COINS here - this is a smaller, faster-moving campaign, and I want these dogs made and on the run ASAP!
This is the KPH usual - get your DOG CRIMES stickers and pins, at campaign prices, at the same time as the backers. Have a hard time financially last month? Waiting on the final dog selection? No problem. You'll be able to do this until October 30th.
Notice something in there? Yup... there's an unwelcome nuisance, staring right into your soul on the left.
The Stalking BORDER COLLIE vote pin is trying to sneak his way into the roster. Gross.
He will be made if a total of 25 backers - both campaign, and preorder - snag him.
If you would like your DOG CRIMES order to come with some goodies, it's worth noting that the HUSTLE store will be open soon. You can request combined shipping with your DOG CRIMES pledge and save the cost of sending the one from my shop. I don't recommend grabbing other CRIMES pins there, though - you can add them at campaign prices thru the survey.
I'm hoping to have
CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS' retail stock up at some point in the next 2 weeks. So, keep an eye out for that in an update.
We'll check in when surveys are ready for everyone. Check for a smoke test, and enjoy the rest of your week!
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS! Campaign summary, finalized Cairn artwork, next steps...
6 days ago
– Fri, Aug 21, 2026 at 01:18:20 PM
Good afternoon, criminals!
Well, it's that time again. DOG CRIMES wrapped up yesterday evening, and I finally have a few minutes to sit down and get our campaign wrap done.
DOG CRIMES is funded!
I like to do a by-the-numbers summary of my campaigns. I, also, don't really like beating around the bush, and that's why a lot of you keep earning those returning backer bonuses.
Let's get it over with: this is KEN'S PIN HUSTLE's worst performing campaign yet.
We still funded, and with CRIMES pin line, margins tend to be pretty high and anything spent tends to get recouped pretty quick. But, things didn't do as well as I hoped. Unlocking 3 of the later stretch pins didn't breathe too much life into things, either.
There's a lot of factors that probably went into this, and a lot aren't worth sharing since there's not much to learn. Overall, though, it's been a relatively slow campaign that didn't meet most of its marks.
-
DOG CRIMES took about 2 hours to meet the base $2k stretch goal. Compare this to CRITTER CRIMES, which hit it big in 20 minutes, and made about 3x the base $2k in that time. A topical woof, indeed.
-
Our final number? $6,746, the lowest to date. GOLDEN AGE PARROTS is my only other project to stay in the 4 digit ballpark, but it's still got DOG CRIMES beaten by almost $3,000.
-
We made this happen with 189 backers this time around. This may seem like an improvement, but, unfortunately, this is another black spot for DOG CRIMES when you dig into it. This means each backer's spending considerably less, with $35 a pop compared to $52 on GAP. It's even more fun with 18 cancellations, the highest percentage to date outside of Pintopia projects (which, tends to run high due to impulse spending buyer's remorse.)
-
116 out of 189 backers are HUSTLE recidivists. That's 116 akitas, with only 73 newbies. That's a heartwarmingly high returning backer percentage, but, unfortunately, just means that there were some struggles reaching new backers and getting eyes on DOG CRIMES when it all boils down. Thank you to everyone who came back, and, an equal thanks to newbies giving the HUSTLE a try through this. I hope I can give you guys a better show next time!
-
On paper, we only funded up to the CHIHUAHUA stretch goal. I'm gonna go ahead and add all of our base dogs to the survey, because I can afford to self-fund them and I know I'll sell 'em later.
-
Unfortunately, we didn't make it to the 9k vote dog. DOG CRIMES continues a pattern of frustrating low records for KEN'S PIN HUSTLE, and we did not regain ground in the last 48 hours. I'll be putting the Stalking BORDER COLLIE in the survey to see if we can reach him, though.
-
All CREATE A CRIMINAL tiers sold out. We're rocking three new dogs thanks to backers like you, with the AUSSIE, SHAR PEI and CAIRN TERRIERS added.
Oh yeah, stealth Cairn drop. Their artwork is cleaned up and crisp. God, they're so cute.
I don't believe talking about campaign difficulties is wallowing in negativity. Things aren't great for art right now, and commodity markets always have some trouble when the economy is on a downturn. I'd rather open up about how things are - and, ultimately, that I'm grateful we could still get DOG CRIMES across the finish line.
That's what matters, in the end. DOG CRIMES funded, I'm lucky to be in a spot I can still make the things you guys love, and I'm lucky to have you.
Enough with the sappy shit and sadboy garbage. What's in it for me?
CRITTER CRIMES is introducing 14 new criminals to the lineup.
- Escaping custody HUSKY
- Larceny LABRADOR
- Property damage PIT BULL
- Witness intimidation AMERICAN AKITA*
- Disturbing the peace HOUNDS
- Embezzlement AUSSIE
- Resisting arrest SHAR PEI
- Reckless endangerment ROTTWEILER
- Impersonating an officer GERMAN SHEPHERD
- Gang violence LITTLE WHITE DOGS
- Conspiracy POODLE
- Attempted murder CHIHUAHUA
- Speeding GREYHOUND
- Criminal mischief CAIRN TERRIERS
All of these designs will be available as both 1.75" hard enamel pins, as well as 2" MUGSHOT vinyl stickers.
The 1" SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON akita pin will be given to any backer who backed 3 or more DOGGUST projects. If you didn't, you can snag one in the survey addons. They weren't available as campaign addons, but you can toss one on for $8 if you want my late dog to stare at you in the dark at 2 AM.
I'm not offering washi tapes or CUSTOM CRIMES artworks this time around. I'm sorry, guys, it's been a hell of a year, and I need to simplify things a little.
If you missed the campaign, preorders for DOG CRIMES should be available soon. Snag everything on offer at campaign prices, during campaign fulfillment periods. I'll announce it when it's up.
Next up is surveys.
This isn't my first CRIMES rodeo, so, getting everything set up on the back end went quicker than C3's expansive, exhausting survey rigging. I'll be spending some time tomorrow night making sure we're 100% review ready for next week.
If this is your first rodeo, you might get a survey before everyone else. That's normal - but, if the survey isn't normal, please contact me. You got a smoke test, which goes out to make sure there are no errors. I'll be announcing when smoke tests are out, and giving out some prizes for finding serious issues. Stay tuned.
Probably safe to start looking for surveys in a week or two. I'll keep you guys posted when they're going out.
Overall, man, I'm tired, I have to go deal with a bank chargeback on C3, and go write a lengthy mess of an update on that situation. Thanks for sticking with me, the HUSTLE, and my art while the world's burning down.
And, get the next project all cleaned up and ready to see.
Because, unfortunately, the grind does not ever stop.
This one's gonna be fun for me, though.
CAIRN TERRIER!
8 days ago
– Wed, Aug 19, 2026 at 07:29:55 PM
Good evening, criminals! Late night, short notice one for you.
Every time I hit you up, and I go, "I'll talk to you when the campaign's over," or "I'll catch up once we hit x milestone," something always comes up. It's a good something, this time, though.
Our third (and final) sponsor dog came in clutch - the CAIRN TERRIER!
A backer contact me with not one, but two, beautiful examples of this breed after snagging that last tier today. Assorted wire haired terriers are like, half of my top 10 "dogs I think are adorable but would die before having in my house," for reasons that make them more than fitting candidates for this campaign. Seeing these little spitfires well-cared for and healthy makes me happy.
I figure criminal mischief is probably more fun with an accomplice, so, it was a little hard to resist representing both of this backer's Cairns on the pin. Twice the fun!
I'll have a little bit cleaner art for these guys later - unfortunately, probably after the campaign is wrapped up. But, I couldn't have asked for a more fun final dog and sponsor to work with.
The Criminal Mischief CAIRN TERRIERS are sponsors, and are available to all backers!
We will unlock the Stalking BORDER COLLIE if we can hit $9k in DOG CRIMES' final 18 hours.
24 HOURS LEFT! Can we reach the Border Collie...?
8 days ago
– Wed, Aug 19, 2026 at 10:49:51 AM
Good afternoon, criminals!
DOG CRIMES is wrapping up tomorrow at 4 PM EST. That means, when I'm writing this, we've got
26 hours left.
The winner of our $9k backer vote is the STALKING BORDER COLLIE. While it was close with the collie and dachshund for a bit, it looks like a little more leg gave the collie an advantage.
That being said: unfortunately, we're not currently on track to make that number. That's OK, there's always other campaigns, and if we get close close by the end of things, I'll make it a survey stretch goal.
I'll probably check up again tomorrow night after things wrap, and give you the run-down on numbers, goal, and everything. This has been a fun little campaign in between bigger things.
Remember: most previous BIRD CRIMES and CRITTER CRIMES pins are kosher for this campaign, so if you want them at the campaign bulk prices, you can up your tier to get those too!
Thanks for being here, and let's see how high we can get that final funding number!
FUCK IT! ALL STRETCH GOALS UNLOCKED + 9k backer vote dogs announced
12 days ago
– Sat, Aug 15, 2026 at 12:20:43 PM
Good afternoon, criminals!
We're 5 days left on DOG CRIMES. I'd like to spur things a long a little bit, so, I'm gonna do something I've never done before.
All remaining DOG CRIMES designs (POODLE, CHIHUAHUA, GREYOUND) are unlocked and will be available to backers.
CRIMES projects give me a little bit more wiggle room than other, experimental things. Their costs are pretty clearly set, they tend to sell well, and unlocking the right critter criminal often creates a cult of validation for specific owners or handlers.
Taking a little risk now barely puts me back, and means I might create a memorable moment selling at a convention or chatting with an online customer who never gets drier, cheekier stuff of their favorite.
This is my thanks for getting us this far in a slow season and economic slump.
Take your pick - 13 total dogs are now 1.75" pin and 2" sticker options.
I'm happy with wherever we end up on this campaign. However, there's one more thing to unlock.
I promised you guys a $9k vote, and I'm not gonna flinch away from that.
If we can do something REALLY funny and somehow get CRIMES all the way up there in 5 days, I will add a 14th pin to the lineup.
We got a good amount of suggestions. Some funny, some that didn't understand the assignment, and some right to my Telegram DM's going "KEN, HOW DID YOU
NOT THINK OF THIS ONE?" at 2 AM. We love variety. Everybody's so creative.
You guys have 3 days to vote on your $9k dog choice. Backers only. If you just wanna vote, toss DOG CRIMES $1 in the tip jar and sway the odds in your favor - you can always change your tier if you end up wanting to back for the winning dog in the race.
